Tough Love or Abuse (The Jamaican Way of Discipline)

Fact
Jamaicans have been beating children, as a means of disciplinary action, for decades, if not centuries, and continue to do so, for a number of reasons, notably because ass-whoopings have been proven, by Jamaicans, to be most effective against the development of wayward adults.

In Jamaica, the Holy Bible is upheld and regarded, by most, as a book of primary Constitutional Rights for Human Beings, and in following the directions of passages such as Proverbs 13:24 which states “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently”, Jamaican children have always been beaten as a measure of correction.

A well-rooted part of the Jamaican culture which has been applied to children, not only at home, but in schools and churches.

Child Abuse?

Recently, social media revved high when a video of a Jamaican parent, beating her daughter began to circulate online; in addition, heightening to the drama, were the facts that the mother was partially naked and the instrument of choice used to beat the child was a machete.

An unfadable ugliness, to many, which can be clearly understood.

But before pointing fingers of discrimination and resentment, from a seating view of a complete different lifestyle, one must first learn more about the culture of Jamaica and its origin and history of beating children.

Culture vs. Culture

Jamaicans are just as alarmed and frightened when they see children, in other countries, verbally disrespecting their parents, calling them derogatory names, suing them in courts and even killing them, as much as residents and citizens of those countries were alarmed by the actions of the featured Jamaican mother.

Still, the above examples have been established and accepted, worldwide, simply as differences in cultures, by most.

Tough Love!?

It is also a common practice, in Jamaica, for parents to use a variety of instruments when beating children; these instruments are usually not sought after, specifically, but are usually chosen based on availability and proximity.

Reputed as non-abusers of drugs and alcohol, Jamaican parents are usually of sober and conscious minds when beating children.

And while most of the world may view the video, which is clear in assault, as evidence of child abuse or even inhumane, most Jamaicans, who know and understand the culture will note that if the mother’s intention was to fatally harm her child, the machete would be used at a chopping angle and not at a slapping angle; an argument of evidence proving that the mother was conscious of her handling.

Constitutional Laws vs Holy Bible

Deep-rooted in the culture and known as “tough love”, in Jamaica, there is an almost certainty that the arresting officer(s) and the Judge, who will preside over the matter have been beaten, as a means of discipline, by their parents, while growing up too.

“But does this make beating a child, right?”

“No!”

Like all countries, Jamaica has man-made laws, which is deemed as the constitutional rules of the country, despite what the Holy Bible may say.

And an infringement of those laws warrants penalties, which at the discretion of the elected Judge could be as light as a stern warning to one as heavy as the prescribed maximum under the written law.

Cultural Practice vs Laws of the Land

Cultures, including that of Jamaica, are enforced by the suppression and enforcement of some written laws; dormant laws often blindside citizens, making them believe that a cultural habit is a legal act, but such law can, at any time, become active by the usage or ruling of a Judge, which can immediately turn a cultural practice on its head and reshape a country and its future.

Protest vs Result

Many Jamaicans are protesting the condemnation of the mother’s action, with affirmations of love for Jamaica and its current culture.

Some feel that adapting foreign lifestyles and embracing new practices are threats to Jamaica’s unique way of life, and if laws are enforced to penalize parents, who discipline their children, it will result in having less educated and ambitious Jamaicans.

The Question

“Should Jamaicans now spare the rod and spoil the child, as a part of a new direction?”

© Ian T. Sebàs 2017

© Ian T. Sebàs

Milk and Molasses (A Psychological Trauma Theory)

Psychological trauma is ranked as one of the most severe disturbances experienced by humans, with its ability to not only cut deep, emotionally, but to embed its effects for durations lasting up to eternity.

These durations vary from human to human, depending on age, genetics and individual environments; for this reason, it is not viable to think that an abused toddler suffers more and or longer than an adult, who have experienced a psychological disturbance.

Sexual abuse ranks high among psychological traumas, including but not limiting to rape, molestation and incest. Other psychological traumas spawn from exposure to violence, deaths, duress, hunger, disappointment and severe pain.

The term psychological refers to our mental state, our minds, our brains; the part of our bodies which operates as our consciousness and trauma is defined as an upset, a disturbance, a negative effect with the potential of causing permanent damages.

Thus, when a human being suffers from any degree of psychological trauma, health and livelihood are highly threatened and in most cases, injured.

There are no existing nor promised cure for sufferers of psychological traumas, but there are many practiced exercises which offer temporary reliefs and on the plus-side, depending on the age when a person initially suffered psychological trauma, a chance of it subsiding and allowing a healthy life is likely.

My theory is that the lingering effects of a psychological trauma, experienced by a child, depends on the length of time the sufferer lives, the practiced lifestyle and the environment in which the individual lives, after experiencing the mental abuse.

These elements equally tip the mental scale to subsiding and compounding the initial trauma.

I describe my theory as molasses and milk, using a glass of milk to represents a child’s pure, unfreckled, mind-set and the thick, gooey, dark molasses as the psychological trauma.

Add any amount of molasses to the glass of milk and the effect is obvious. The more molasses added will enhance the milk’s impurity.

My theory uses a glass of milk to represent a child, who is commonly expected to grow.

Furthermore, I am using a worst-case scenario, where the glass of milk was equally blended with molasses, leaving the milk darkened and insipid. If left as is or in a position where molasses continues to be added, the milk will eventually be fully consumed and lost; therefore, if the traumatized child remains in the environment where he or she is reminded of the trauma or further trauma continues, as with the milk and molasses, the health of the child’s mental state will eventually become incapacitated.

Likewise, if the glass of milk is removed from the environment and no more molasses is added, its growth will gradually dilute the tarnished effects; therefore, if the traumatized child is removed from the environment of abuse, to an environment where abuse is absent, growth combined with the adapted lifestyle can eventually subside the initial traumatic effects.

© Ian T. Sebàs 2017

© Ian T. Sebàs

Abused By Me

It is said that one had to be young and foolish before becoming old and wise.

I, for one, have learnt that fact and taken heed to it; take for example, my homophobic stance and religious beliefs, when I was a teenager, as I grew older and wiser, my views on such have taken an almost 360-degree turn.

No different than my views, back then, on relationships between a man and a woman, where fights always included physical assaults.

Saying ‘my views’ in the sense of my personal opinion is partially correct, while the other part is based upon facts, considering that I was born into a culture and a society where such assaults were common sightings; men slapped women and in some cases, kicked and punched them like it was nothing and likewise, women did the same to men.

Fights in general, between any combination of sexes were natural to be of ‘no holds barred’ and one was expected to be the victor by use of all and any means necessary.

That was some of my early learning and cultural development, so by the time I had my first girlfriend and heated conversation which led to a fight, the norm occurred, we both fought like we were taught to do. And although females were deemed the weaker sex and the expected one to lose a battle with a man, that was not always the case.

Throughout my youth, I had two or three associations with females which I would classify as ‘relationships’; those lasted anywhere from three years to over a decade, all other associations, to me, were mere flings or spats, as I like to call them.

It means we saw each other, intimately, but it was never intended or expected to be serious, and it never was.

Still, like my earlier relationships, some of these spats had feuding moments, and me not being a saint can admit that on a few occasions, assaulted them, while likewise was assaulted by them; for me, at that time, it was simply a fight, nothing more, nothing less, just the norm. And especially because on no occasions any one ever suffered a black eye, busted lips, broken bones or bloodshed injuries, there was never a need to call the emergency services.

Life went on, as normal, until I moved to the United States, adapting a different culture and learning a new way of living.

One of my first opinion of the USA was that they were a delicate and sensitive nation, considering that a verbal altercation duly warranted the presence of the police, in contrast to where I was coming from, where the police only came in near death situations.

In the late 1980s and early 1990s the words stress and abuse took on a whole new meaning, and living in the US, at that time, pretty much gave me front seat attendance to the classes and lessons of defining Stress and Abuse.

And like wildfire, it spread, and the rest of the world took on claims of Stress and Abuse even in the most minute situations; over the years, claims have similarly added and widened the definition of sexual abuse too.

In recent years, every so often, the news would declare that someone, mostly individuals who are renowned to us, are alleged to have sexually assaulted or physically abused another person or a queue of victims.

These claims are as popular, today, as smart phones are. And when these allegations are aired, I, for one, always think it could be true, while it could be a flat out lie with intentions of malice.

Still, I believe that these allegations should never be ignored, for the sake of genuine victims, and justification should be rendered to all and any human being who has been deprived of human happiness by another human being.

Being an advocate of such, and even with the acknowledgment of my youthful behaviors, which I obviously cannot change, I undoubtedly exempt myself from ever being categorized as an abuser, at any point of my life.

Other than knowing that to be a fact, my defense would be “Ask any of my exes!” and I assure you that they’d say, “Oh, when he was younger, he possessed that expected aggression and violent streak, but abuse, no!”

Let’s define Abuse: ‘to continuously treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way’.

The key words here are continuously and harmful. In other words, if it’s on a single occasion, it is by me, defined as an assault and any continuous mode of assault is then defined as abuse.

So, you know that it almost took my breath away, recently, when I came across one of my ex-spat, online, whom I hadn’t seen nor spoken to, in eight or more years, when she accused me of abusing her during the nine or ten-month fling we had almost two decades ago.

Here I was all excited to see her name prompt up on my social network under ‘People You May Know’, after clicking the profile and realizing that she’s married with children, etc., I was more than happy to contact her to extend my congratulations and so on; after all, and as far as I knew, we had what we had and it dissolved respectfully.

But she had a whole other version of what we had, and apparently was abused by me.

I had to object and double-checked, by asking her if she knew who I was or was she mistaking me for someone else; of course I recalled our few months together, she was in her late teens, and I remembered we fought on a few occasions, but what I recalled most, was that we did not live together.

She came and went as she pleases, never by force, threats or beyond her will; furthermore, she never suffered any physical injuries, caused by me, and neither did I, by her. And at no time, existed a situation, where I or her felt the need to call the police.

Flabbergasted while challenging her allegation of abuse, immediately spiralled downward when she insinuated an additional abuse, of a sexual nature, regarding me and her younger sister, who had to be about fifteen years old back then.

I didn’t want to brag, but the moment called for it, in my defense.

Throughout my life and having shortcomings of various privileges, sex was never one, and I was never short on volunteering partners.

Child Abusers, Rapist and Sex Offenders should be crucified, that was a stand instilled in me, culturally, which has not and, I doubt, will ever change.

So, as you can imagine, by this time of corresponding with my ex-spat, I am seriously questioning whether or not she was sane, truly believed what she was saying or willfully trying to be a victim of abuse.

And after a few minutes of feeling annoyed, I reflected back on the real world, where some of my most admired celebrities are being publicly humiliated by similar allegations, and felt, for a moment, their pains, because whether found to be true or false, people, their fans and supporters will always be left with a doubt of whether or not their fame and popularity bought them their justice, and forever, in instances where they are actually upstanding human beings, who made the efforts and led pure lives, it will appear to have been all for nothing.

And on the other hand, where true victims of abuse and sexual assaults, are trying to be heard, women like my ex-spat, makes it so difficult, for them with their false allegations and cries for help.

“En route to adulthood, I genuinely suffered, and will forever be offended by those who falsely claim to have suffered, in any way, merely for attention.”

Ian T. Sebàs © 2016