Jamaica Me Crazy (Review)

Misrepresenting – that’s how I would describe Jamaica Me Crazy (Caribbean Grillhouse) in Cape Town, South Africa, and that’s me being subtle.

This place was disappointing from every angle.

I found this place, online, called Jamaica Me Crazy (Caribbean Grillhouse) and thought the name was both quirky and attractive, sounding like “Ya making me crazy”; it boasted Jamaica in its name and the brightest yellow from the nation’s colours, which were enough to attract me.

And as a Jamaican, in Cape Town, I felt like it was my duty to pay patronage, so I went as a party of five on Monday, October 2, 2023 around lunchtime to indulge in its offering Caribbean cuisines.

After following Google Maps, we were led to its bright yellow sign, which boldly stated Jamaica Me Crazy (Caribbean Grillhouse), we parked in front of the building, and as soon as we were emerging from our vehicle, a young man with dreadlocks excitedly but indistinctly shouted down to us from a second floor window. Me, being just as excited decided to shout back in his direction, but using Jamaican patois as an impressive intro, “Yeah mon, ah come wi come fi eat some yaad food!” only to realised that he was clueless to my utterance and was more confused than ever.

After that awkward moment of realising that he is not Jamaican and does not understand patois, we eventually learnt that he was directing us up the staircase because the first floor was either closed or serving as another business.

We made it upstairs to what appears to be an establishment trying to mimic something out of the Caribbean, it had a bar-like setting with wooden tables and chairs. Some tables showcased images of Jamaican icons such as Louise Bennett-Coverly and Usain Bolt, so we were still hopeful of having a taste of home.

It must be noted that it was very quiet, no music, and apart from us five, there were only three other people there; the man with dreadlocks, a woman, who seemed to be the chef and a white man tapping away on his laptop.

I am purposely highlighting his ethnicity because he appeared to be the owner or manager, and if I’m correct, it was just not what I expected from a Jamaican restaurant in Cape Town. Furthermore, he barely acknowledged our presence, but not in a resentful way; it was more of a nervous manner when he realised that we were Jamaicans asking for Jamaican foods, every question we asked he gave whispery answers to the other two without looking at us.

I’d be nervous too, because after we scanned the menu, it was clear that this restaurant is misrepresenting the name “Jamaica”. Other than jerk chicken, there was nothing Jamaica-related being cooked or sold there. As a matter of fact, there’s no Caribbean food there.

And to add more disappointment to the experience, the jerk chicken which was on the menu was not available.

Needless to say that we left as hungry as we arrived with a side dish of disappointment. Unfortunately, Jamaica Me Crazy will make any Jamaican crazy, but not in a good way….. next stop, Cool Runnings, Cape Town.

© Ian T. Sebàs 2023